random thoughts in grief

-I’m afraid to try again, yet desperate to try again

-I’m afraid to be sick again like I was in the first trimester

-I’m afraid I will never get very attached to the next baby if I’m pregnant, to protect myself

-I’m afraid to go out of the house, because it reminds of how proud I was to “look pregnant”

-I hate my body right now. It’s flatness, the engorged breasts that leak for no one. The void where her kicks and movements once were.

-I want to make a garden this spring, and call it Avalon’s garden, with a fountain, trellises, etc.

-This is the ring I really want: (white gold, blue topaz stone, size 5, “Avalon” on the top side, “12/13/12” on the bottom.)

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Author: Mother of All Things

Mother by fostering, adoption, and marriage... wife to my best friend... Bay area critical care nurse... travel in my blood, reading in my bones, clean food on my mind!

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