I only meant to bring you here
into this courageous form
introduce you to the scents and sensations
of this human world
let you run naked through the lawn in twilight
face ice-cream covered
wash your sticky hands
in the lake

child I did not intend
a life of ativan and alcohol
and mindless search for sleep
your heart sealed in a box
the memory of you rising
like mist into a cold winter sky

I wanted to live for you
and through you
and with you
my drug-induced stupor
will take me farther from your ghost
and closer to that time when you
lived safe and whole
nestled in the womb of
a better future.

Author: Mother of All Things

Mother by fostering, adoption, and marriage... wife to my best friend... Bay area critical care nurse... travel in my blood, reading in my bones, clean food on my mind!

One thought on “poem”

  1. I’m so sorry. We wanted to give them so much. And I know that, when I was pregnant and before she died, I thought it was just a small, ordinary thing. Life. But now I know better.

    It’s all I know, it’s all I have to offer, this strange, flickering place. Where we wash our sticky hands in the lakes. Lucky us. But it’s not the same without them.

    I’m so sorry that you are without your daughter, Avalon. You gave her a beautiful name.

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