you think you know, but you don’t

Looking through the pregnancy blogs I used to read. I’m not interested in reading about healthy pregnancies, obviously. It sucks. It’s painful. It’s not effing fair. So why do I read them? Because they might lose the baby. I don’t want them to join this miserable club, but if they do, I want to be there for them. Even the bloggers who’ve gotten to 37 weeks, and are so convinced that a baby is coming home soon. Even the blogger still in her first trimester, working on her registry. They all think they’ve made it, and they’re having a baby. I’m lurking on their blogs, feeling like an old crone, shaking my head, hoping for the best, but knowing all too well how it could actually go.

Pregnancies don’t always result in bringing home a baby, people. I know what it’s like to be you, skipping merrily down the sidewalk, oblivious to cliff’s edge just before you.

Author: Mother of All Things

Mother by fostering, adoption, and marriage... wife to my best friend... Bay area critical care nurse... travel in my blood, reading in my bones, clean food on my mind!

2 thoughts on “you think you know, but you don’t”

  1. This is the realest thing i have read in a while. It is such a true statement. I lost 3 beautiful babies all by miscarriage my last pregnacy i was so afraid i made it to 20 weeks and started to feel good about it cause I never made it that far and then 10 days later it was over.

    I havent commented on your blog until now, but the one thing I want to say is its ok to feel how ever you feel. Nobody knows your struggle not even those of us who have been through similar.

  2. You are so right. We lost our son after birth because of a difficult birth. They didn’t get him going quickly enough. I never thought as I was going through my labour that he would die at 3 days old and I’d never get to take him home. I know so many pregnant people. Friends and family. I want the best for them but in the same token I can’t help being so afraid. And jealous. Oh the joys.

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