“Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they have.” -Susane Pieffer
This seems like an important thing to remember right now, and whenever someone you love lets you down. Their “best” may not be good enough for you to stay involved in the situation, but remembering that it’s still their best (as unfortunate as that may be) helps you to either work it out or separate with a little more kindness. My high school guidance counselor used to say, “everyone is doing the best they can with what they have at that moment” and I think that’s true. It’s usually not the same as our best, or what society thinks should be their best, and their best may not even be acceptable, it may result in bad consequences for them, it may disappoint you deeply, and hurt you, but it might still be their best.
Or as Oprah says: When you know better, you do better.
A lot of times people really don’t know better. They don’t know how to be better even if they know that they should be better. They don’t have the mental or emotional resources to make good choices. They may even regret what their “best” is, I know I have before. You may have to cut someone out of your life because their “best” is harmful to you and they can’t change yet because they don’t know how.
I learned a lot of this in therapy a few years ago, and from reading Co-Dependency books. But it’s not like riding a bicycle. Not at all. I have to keep coming back to it. Kind of like a foreign language, if you don’t use it every day, or even every month, or year, it fades away and it’s terribly difficult, although not as difficult as it was the first time you learned it, to pick it up again. It gets easier every time though. I have a goal to practice consciousness in my every day life. Every day, hour, and even minute. But it’s hard. My mind is an unruly, disobedient, spoiled brat. It’s difficult to discipline it with love and patience. Sometimes, like any parent, I just want to shake it, or lock it in a room. Sometimes I want to give up on it, or give it up for adoption. But like a child, I can’t, I’m stuck with it, forever. And not doing something about it NOW is just going to make me more miserable later.