So it would seem I must retract a statement I made in my last post. Two of the people in my life that I’m closest to (and I’m sure more were thinking it) pointed out to me that “everyone” is not expecting me to move on and get over losing my baby. This is quite true. I can’t name one single friend or family member who I think actually feels this way. Also pointed out to me was the fact that while I am grieving the MOST over Avalon’s death, I am not completely alone in my grief. Several people are grieving along with me, including the woman I love and my mom, my best friend, and my sister. They all lost Avalon, too. Just because their grief is different, or even less intense than mine, doesn’t mean I’m totally alone.
It sure is easy to feel all alone when I’m grieving though. It’s also easy to feel that the whole world is expecting me to move on… not individual people, but time itself. Time demands that we keep moving forward, away from the life of my little daughter, demands that I devote my attention to other things, demands that I continue to dream dreams and hope hopes that don’t include her.
So, family and friends, I apologize for my poor wording. A mother’s grief is just a lonely, lonely thing.