There was a bit of news today regarding Jo Jo’s birth mom, and while I am not going to talk about the details, I will say that it was good news for me, and it also turns out that I have an opportunity to not only send her a photo of the baby, but to write her a letter.
A letter! I thought I might never get the chance to tell her how much I love this baby and how grateful I am that she is here in this world every second of every day. Now I have the chance and you can bet that I will be writing draft after draft in an effort to make it perfect. Should I mention the loss of my own baby? Should I not? How obvious should I be about wanting to keep her forever? I plan to be pretty straightforward about my intention to adopt her, and give her a loving home with lots of opportunities forever and ever.
Mostly I just want to tell this woman, who is a stranger and yet not at all a stranger, that I am so thankful for her, her life, and her existence. That I think of her every day, and wish her all of the happiness that I have been so lucky to have as a result of this life she brought into the world.
My caseworker will pick up the letter and photo of my choice at the next home visit!
6 thoughts on “a letter”
Wow, what a challenge! Not knowing anything about the case, it’s hard to comment. But I wonder if you can offer her a degree of openness in the event that you adopt Jo Jo. Even if it’s just a promise to send her photos and updates a few times a year, at the very least. If I were a bio mom, that would be my greatest fear. To be cut off completely, and forever.
I would love to have an open adoption, and hope to convey that to her 🙂
WOW!! I hope great things come from this (ie she terminates her rights to you). I would absolutely mention that you lost Avalon. Having lost a daughter yourself, gives you so much more empathy towards her. You have been in her shoes. It shows you know what a gift Jo Jo is, and you will never take her for granted. I would let her know that Jo Jo is not a replacement for your daughter, but you can’t imagine a life without Jo Jo in it.
For my daughters birth mom I set up a password protected photo bucket account where I post photos every few months so if she wants she can see her growing up – without feeling like she has to ask me. She also has my email and phone number and can contact me anytime she would like to ask questions (she never has). We see her every 4 – 6 months because she is willing and I feel like she is an important connection for my daughter to have. It was an adoption through foster-care as well. I asked her what she would like for contact and seeing her regularly was really important to her. We got my daughter at three days old. I am really glad we are keeping a connection. I think it also helped birth mom and baby work through their grieving processes as well. I know that sounds crazy but I really feel like it has helped my baby have a more secure attachment to me. As health stuff has come up it has actually been super helpful to be able to ask her questions. I think it will serve us well in the future. From what I’ve read – having a connection (maybe not a relationship) is really important to baby’s development of self. If she isn’t up for face-to-face contact ask her for pictures and a health history. Good Luck 🙂
This would be so ideal! Unfortunately, I don’t know that her birth mom is interested, but I’d like her to have the option!
Sounds very promising for all parties!