I decided to go see what it was all about. With one exception, all of the foster parents there were through the county, as opposed to the agency. But the other agency foster mom was also a single mom, so that was great! We instantly had that connection, as well as the fact that we have the same worker and same agency.
I took Jo Jo and our licenser played with her (childcare was provided) while I sat in with the group. Mostly, it’s the county foster parents complaining about the way the county does things, and trying to set up a mentorship program. They have a lot of extra foster care crap to deal with that I guess the agency takes care of for me. I walked away from it going, “thank goodness I went with the agency!”
I asked the foster parents next to me why they wanted to go through the county, since it was so full of headache… they told me, “We get called first for the kids, you guys get the leftovers.”
First of all, that’s not entirely true, but even if it was… maybe my name is farther down on the list, and before I was called every other foster family before me did not have an opening for an infant. They got to the agency, and got me, and found a good fit, one that wasn’t just temporary. She was not leftovers. The mama in me just had a fit inside. My baby girl is a million bucks, a winning lotto ticket, and a dream come true. She is and always would be my FIRST PICK, and never ever should be considered a “leftover”.
I know she didn’t mean it quite like that, but still.
I’m not sure I’ll go back, even though I really liked all the foster parents there, and thought it was a great group. The reason I don’t think I’ll go again is because right now I don’t feel like a foster parent. Jo Jo has never had visits. She’s been 100% mine from day one, and I have been her only mama and it’s likely to stay that way. I’d feel I had more in common with an adoption group, at this point. I hope some day in the near future that will be completely true!
Mother of All Things 
Ooh my hackles went up at the leftovers comment! Good job not jumping down her throat like I would have done.
Well I immediately said something along the lines of, “my ‘leftovers’ have been super amazing!” 🙂
Good!
You are so very blessed to have this unique situation with the baby. No visits? That is truly amazing to me. Very rare, I’m sure. I had a foster baby boy placed in my home this past summer. He was 4lbs. 11 oz. I am already a single mama of my 9 year old daughter. It was very difficult. One of the many stressors was his mother. She texted me several times thoughout the day (my bad for giving her my number so she could “check” on him and say hi.) He was my first placement. I did not know any better. Bringing him to the visits twice a week was also a lot. He is not with me anymore. I interrupted the placement. It was too overwhelming for me. But I hear his mother stopped attending visits two months ago.