the seasons of baby loss

Celebrating Halloween with a little one has been wonderful, everything it’s supposed to be, and yet this time of year has brought a renewed sadness for the baby who is NOT here to dress up. I keep thinking of this time last year, remembering that by now the horrible first trimester sickness had come to an end, and I would be feeling her first kicks in the week to come. I didn’t do anything very Halloween-y, and still wasn’t interested in chocolate (so weird), but I was starting to feel very, very happy about my growing bump.

I know that the next holiday, Thanksgiving, is going to be worse. I was full-on in love with my bump and my baby’s kicking. I loved being pregnant. I felt so beautiful, more beautiful and sexy than I’d ever felt in my whole life. I took photos with a red bell pepper on Thanksgiving day, and wore a sweater that was one size up. At the table I said thanks for my healthy, growing baby.

This year I will again say thanks for a healthy, growing baby. But Avalon will not be tasting stuffing for the first time, or wearing a “My First Thanksgiving” bib. She will be gone but the blessing she passed on to me in her Rainbow sister will be here.

That is truly something to be thankful for.

Author: Mother of All Things

Mother by fostering, adoption, and marriage... wife to my best friend... Bay area critical care nurse... travel in my blood, reading in my bones, clean food on my mind!

One thought on “the seasons of baby loss”

  1. Your Avalon is with you somehow. I’m so sorry for your loss…The Garden you planted for her is so lovely, by the way. Full of live and beauty, just as she was to have been.

    Your story reached out and grabbed my heart. I hope you don’t mind me speaking so candidly. xx Grainne

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