my last happy day

One year ago was my last happy day. The day of December 6th I had family photos taken with my grandma at her church, made oatmeal cookies, and showed off my new car. That night I took a shower and went laid in bed before sleeping with my home doppler on, my heart soaring with happiness at the “boomboomboom” and the “swishswishswish” sounds of my baby inside. I was so insanely, unbearably in love with that little person.

The morning of December 7th I went to work as usual. I listened to my mp3 player and felt the baby move as she always did on my morning drive. I parked, walked through the hallways and suddenly felt blood coming out. Six days later my baby died just prior to delivering her, after a placental abruption sent me into irreversible premature labor.

I knew I would feel raw about December 13th, but I did not expect this burst of sadness and emotion surrounding December 6th and 7th. But afterall, that moment, that first rush of blood, was when my world turned upside down. So I guess it makes sense.

With my sister, December 1st
With my sister, December 1st

Thanksgiving day, 2012
Thanksgiving day, 2012
My last happy day, December 6th
My last happy day, December 6th
Last photo taken, on my last happy day

Author: Mother of All Things

Mother by fostering, adoption, and marriage... wife to my best friend... Bay area critical care nurse... travel in my blood, reading in my bones, clean food on my mind!

4 thoughts on “my last happy day”

  1. I didn’t realize how close our loss dates were; dec. 6 at 23 weeks, dec. 12 at 10 weeks and dec. 23 at 15. Dec. is rather a bad month. I’m so sorry about what you’re going through. I’m sending light and love.

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