I really liked this article:
Coping With Your Child’s Death When You Don’t Believe in God
I am never bothered by offers of prayer for myself or my children. I think far and away the majority of people who say this only intend to express that they care and will send good energy our way. But I dislike any comment that implies that her death was in someway a pre-destined plan. I just believe that sometimes, people die. Babies die. Fetuses die. Mothers die, too. Life is fragile. It didn’t happen so that I could be Jo Jo’s mom. That was a miracle, but only in the sense that I was so extremely lucky to be blessed with another daughter so soon. I feel a connection to my daughter Avalon through mothering Jo Jo, but I don’t believe that a being in the sky wanted me to get Jo Jo and so allowed my first daughter to die. That makes no sense at all, it’s game-playing. Why let me get pregnant, then? Why allow me to even want to try insemination and pregnancy? No, it just worked out that way. And I’m grateful. I cherish the connection that I feel with Avalon through being a mother again, and maybe in some way I am sensing an energy, of the divine sort. But putting it into “God” terms oversimplifies it for me, and makes it seem less than.
There are mysteries greater than we can fathom, scientific and rational, yet perfectly puzzling at the same time.
I just really like everything this author has to say, so if you have felt excluded from certain sentiments as a non-religious, or atheist, or non-monotheistic, or very scientific based babyloss parent, read it!
3 thoughts on “loss when you aren’t religious”
I really liked your comment over on that article too.
I completely agree. For anyone to suggest that this was “God’s will” or the Universe’s plan all along just isn’t right.
I used to be religious and can only hope that I never said those offensive words to anyone. They have hurt so much when said to me. I agree that God didn’t do it. Sometimes awful sucky things happen but I have come so close to slapping some people when they told me that is was in God’s plan.