I often think of my daughter’s bio-mom as my mother-sister. We are linked by the title of “mother” to one little girl, be it birth mother or adoptive mother. We have or have had different roles in this little girl’s life, neither more or less important than the other. Somewhere out there, in this world, in this country, is the woman whose choices led to this darling joy of a girl, the apple of my eye. Somewhere out there, doing whatever she is doing, is the reason for my motherhood. And I worry about her and for her.

With any foster or adoptive placement, it usually only takes a few clicks of the mouse or strokes of the keyboard to find out some basic info on your kids’ bio families. Jo Jo’s biomom has had many public facebook accounts over the years, but since the new year she has disappeared from cyberspace. While I know that this is most likely related to a loss of internet or phone access, I worry anyway. I hope that she is in a safe place, with food to eat and shelter. I just hope she is ok.

Now that TPR is in the past and adoption looms in the not-so-distant future, I wish I had a way to communicate with my mother-sister. I wrote a letter to her last fall when the agency managed to obtain a snail mail address for her, but the letter was then withheld for certain (valid) reasons. Is that address still valid? Does the agency even still have my letter? Can I write a new one, with a more recent photo?

I guess something just feels a little off about adopting without the bio mom even knowing. Not that she can do anything about it (and thank god), but just that she knows. This official transformation from her daughter, to the state’s ward, to my daughter is something I’d at least like her to be aware of. I’d at least like her to know, while she’s out there wherever she is, that this daughter of her body has a family who loves her, keeps her safe, and gives her every opportunity to thrive.

Just one less burden for a woman whose life has been burdened in so many ways.

Author: Mother of All Things

Mother by fostering, adoption, and marriage... wife to my best friend... Bay area critical care nurse... travel in my blood, reading in my bones, clean food on my mind!

2 thoughts on “mother-sisters”

  1. As you know, family is so much more than biology. I love your feeling of connection. My dad used to refer to his ex-wife’s second husband as his husband-in-law. When his ex-wife became sick with cancer, Dad actually helped his husband-in-law to care for her. So I love the respect and care you have for JoJo’s birth mother. That will be important to JoJo as she grows up.

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