school blues

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wondered if I’m doing the right thing by being in school. I hate being away from M so much while she’s so little. I’ve already completed two semesters, so I have the rest of this year and next year to go. It hasn’t been difficult, I’ve been getting all As and not breaking my back to do it. It’s next year that I’m worried about because I’ll be required to be in clinicals so much. It makes me miserable thinking of not only working 3 days a week, but being in school from 3-10pm once a week and having a clinical day once a week. That’s four and a half days away from my kid, and despite the fact that I could never be, nor would want to be, a stay at home mom, I do want to be with her more than I’m not with her, at least until she starts kindergarten.

I’m doing this so that when she’s in kindergarten on up I’ll be home every evening and weekend. My current job as a staff RN requires me to work half the weekend days of a given month, plus all three work days keep me gone from 5am to 9pm. Once she’s in school full time, I would miss three of her evenings and half of her weekends. So I’d basically never see her. Also, my income will double. I currently make $52,000 per year before taxes, insurance, union fees, etc. I bring home about $2800 per month as actual money in the bank for bills, and every last penny goes towards something. (None in savings, none in college fund.) That being said, I do prioritize things like traveling, so I guess any disposable income I have goes there. My new career would allow me to put money away for M’s future as well as emergency money for us. It would also allow more breathing room for fun things like traveling or updating our boat and seawall.

So yes, I’m going to do it and stick with it. Making a better life for myself and family isn’t easy, but that was never the expectation. It would be easier to just stay where I am and get by, but that’s not who I am. My heart hurts and aches when I think of time away from my kiddo, but it is going to give us much more time together after I’m done, and for the rest of her childhood. I have to keep focusing on that.

What I actually think about the nurse practitioner program and content is a matter for another blog post. Mostly it’s so much BS and I fear for the profession as a whole.

Ok time to crack open the books.

Author: Mother of All Things

Mother by fostering, adoption, and marriage... wife to my best friend... Bay area critical care nurse... travel in my blood, reading in my bones, clean food on my mind!

2 thoughts on “school blues”

  1. Long term wins are huge! And long term you have more and better time with your daughter. Time she will remember all her life, while right now you have good care for her and she is doing great. HARD HARD HARD…. but long term totally worth it.

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