I finally drew one up today. It’s not like I have assets of any value, really, but mostly I just needed to put down in legal writing what would happen to M if something happened to me. It has felt like an appropriate time to do it, as death has been all around me and on my mind more than usual. Watching someone I knew so well and loved die really makes you think hard about life, and what you want to do with it, as well as about what you’d like to be in order when your own time comes.
When it comes to my own life, I think a lot about leaving it behind (not my daughter, obviously, but my normal routine). I have been working steadily but not hurriedly on the application requirements for licensure in other states. I don’t know if it will help the sense of isolation I feel way out here in the country, without friends or a community to raise my daughter in. Perhaps I will feel even more isolated out on the road… but at least we’ll be seeing the world a little bit at the same time, right? I can’t keep cooking and cleaning and trying to figure out how to entertain a child all day, work, and repeat.
Sometimes I don’t know who I am anymore or how much of me will even remain once my child is grown. Maybe all parents of young children feel that way at some point, though.
4 thoughts on “my last will and testament”
I don’t really know who I am much anymore, either. I think this is a shared experience of parents of small children ’round the world.
It probably is a common feeling… but there have been some moments when I have wondered what the hell am I doing with my life???
Pretty sure that’s common too and no one speaks of it because we’re all supposed to be living perfect lives, right?
I have that thought quite a lot.
I haven’t done a will yet. I know I should but I don’t actually know who I would want to have custody of Wallace. That just leads to sadness, guilt, and feeling overwhelmed.