Getting old sucks. Especially if you are immobile and in pain all the time, and starting to lose your memory. You basically are just sitting around all day, suffering, completely dependent on others. That’s my grandma. I feel for her and hate that that is what her life has become. I moved closer to her, I tried to manage the caregivers, I tried to do everything I can do. But now it’s to the point where I am done. I want to visit my grandma but she seems to hold me responsible for all of her woes. She accuses me of never visiting (I’m there four days a week, the days I don’t work, for hours). She is lonely and thinks no one cares about her.
The caregivers… ugh there’s always some problem. Right now we have big problems and I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t manage a group of employees especially when there is always some trouble. My grandma won’t pay more than $10/hour though, so it’s no surprise to me that at least one of them always seems to be making trouble! It’s totally beyond my capacity to deal with it anymore in any regular way.
I just talked to my uncle. I’m like, listen, either it all goes to hell in a hand basket or she goes to a home. We kept her home 7 years, 5 of those with nearly full-time caregivers. I have nothing left in me, especially when it is such a thankless task. She can no longer pay her bills or keep track of the times and days of the employees. She can’t manage appointments or making grocery lists and budgeting. I can’t do more than I’m doing so all of this summer how needs to be taken care of. The cost of 24/7 care is the same as a nursing home. So that’s the way it is, I guess.
I feel resigned and defeated over this. But she has 3 kids, and I just want to hand this over to them sometimes.
I hope M puts me in a decent home and never goes through this with me! Visit me on weekends, or holidays, and live your life, kid.