done. just done.

Getting old sucks. Especially if you are immobile and in pain all the time, and starting to lose your memory. You basically are just sitting around all day, suffering, completely dependent on others. That’s my grandma. I feel for her and hate that that is what her life has become. I moved closer to her, I tried to manage the caregivers, I tried to do everything I can do. But now it’s to the point where I am done. I want to visit my grandma but she seems to hold me responsible for all of her woes. She accuses me of never visiting (I’m there four days a week, the days I don’t work, for hours). She is lonely and thinks no one cares about her.

The caregivers… ugh there’s always some problem. Right now we have big problems and I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t manage a group of employees especially when there is always some trouble. My grandma won’t pay more than $10/hour though, so it’s no surprise to me that at least one of them always seems to be making trouble! It’s totally beyond my capacity to deal with it anymore in any regular way.

I just talked to my uncle. I’m like, listen, either it all goes to hell in a hand basket or she goes to a home. We kept her home 7 years, 5 of those with nearly full-time caregivers. I have nothing left in me, especially when it is such a thankless task. She can no longer pay her bills or keep track of the times and days of the employees. She can’t manage appointments or making grocery lists and budgeting. I can’t do more than I’m doing so all of this summer how needs to be taken care of. The cost of 24/7 care is the same as a nursing home. So that’s the way it is, I guess.

I feel resigned and defeated over this. But she has 3 kids, and I just want to hand this over to them sometimes.

I hope M puts me in a decent home and never goes through this with me! Visit me on weekends, or holidays, and live your life, kid.


Author: Mother of All Things

Mother by fostering, adoption, and marriage... wife to my best friend... Bay area critical care nurse... travel in my blood, reading in my bones, clean food on my mind!

6 thoughts on “done. just done.”

  1. My grandmother never wanted to be in a home. She was terrified of the idea. After a pretty severe medical incident at Christmas of 2014 it became medically necessary. She LOVES it there. Her quality of life is so much better. She is potentially at the tail end now and she can’t engage as much in activities or social life but man, she had a good time this past year. So much less stress, easier visits with family and she was almost eager for them to leave so she could get back to whatever she was doing. She complains constantly about the food but I think it’s just a topic of conversation mostly.
    I hope this works out for you and is a good move for everyone. It’s an incredibly draining responsibility and I can totally understand why you are done.

  2. None of her children are taking on any of this? That would right piss me off. It sounds her care and managing her caregivers is more than you can do anymore and that is okay. My Gramma has dementia and is in a home. It’s the best place for her because she isn’t able to be left alone at all and she doesn’t like to leave.

  3. My mom (also an RN) worked as a private, in home caregiver for a lady who had Parkinson’s until she died. All of this was right after Mom had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s herself. After doing that, she told me what you’re saying, “Put me in a home, visit as much or as little as you can personally handle, with all the emotional baggage involved, and please, live your life. That’s what will bring me peace, when I’m aware of it, knowing that you are all living your lives.” And then we bawled… It’s such a hard thing to deal with.

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