I am so not in a good mood these days. Sometimes it’s too much. I realize I don’t work in a factory for pennies and we aren’t homeless or destitute or all those other terrible things. I’m trying to practice gratitude. But oh my gosh. I jinxed myself with that blog post about how wonderful my three-year-old is. She has morphed into a full-time whiner the past few days, demanding and whining and crying and being really impossible.
Part of the problem is the weather. I’m frustrated to the point of tears that it’s freezing cold and raining. Once again, after 6 months of being stuck inside, we are stuck inside! It’s enough to make you go insane.
Here’s some more whining for ya (gee, wonder where my daughter gets it):
- My raised beds aren’t done yet. The dirt isn’t delivered. Why? Because it’s freezing and pouring rain (so technically not freezing, but at this point I’d take snow over cold mud).
- I have an infection. Somewhere I’d rather not speak of pubicly.
- My daughter won’t stop begging me for candy. I came home from work late (9:30pm) and she was wide awake, not in pajamas, watching cartoons and eating fruit snacks. My mom is so not even bothering anymore. It’s easier for her to let M run the show than it is to fight with her about the rules.
- Also… so sick of kids youtube and the freakin’ surprise egg/kinder egg/opening presents videos. I’m so close to deleting it except it’s the only way to get a rest in in the afternoon.
- I’m broke. I’m doing way better on spending but the bottom line is that I’m spending $390-$474 per pay period week, per 2 weeks, on childcare now that my mom is too tired/overwhelmed to watch her a lot. So our dock still isn’t in, our boat isn’t in, I no longer get morning coffee or whatever going to work, and don’t ask me how I’ll afford to get any of the gardening going. My poor neighbors will be dealing with a nasty looking yard and lakefront.
- Speaking of broke… no more cleaning people coming. It’s too much money. (They charged $80 per cleaning.) I can’t find anyone to do it for $50 a week. I’m back to cleaning the house, and it’s beyond irritating. My cats poop on the floor, and throw up, all the time. They are old but ugh. Also there was a mouse, a real mouse, because my mom and daughter have crumbs everywhere all the time. I feel like a cleaning lady in my own home and I’m back to wanting to just leave every day, all day.
- I’m tired. I’m so tired it’s all I can do to stay awake sometimes. It becomes impossible to be patient with my daughter, or grandma. I’d ask my doctor to see what’s wrong with me but, oh wait, they did that 3x already and the answer is nothing.
- Speaking of daughter and grandma, I took them both to look at an assisted living facility today and it was exactly like having two three-year-olds. They ate through the entire container of snacks I brought in 5 minutes and complained they were hungry every ten minutes thereafter, they fought over what we got for lunch and ate my share, too. I guess I’m just a chauffeur, nanny, mortgage-payer, grocery buyer, cleaning lady to everyone. It’s easy to forgive the three year old for that, a little harder with everyone else.
I’m venting and whining here, but sometimes I truly feel unhealthy, mentally. I feel like I do nothing but clean up after, feed, look in on, and nag everyone around me. I feel like a prisoner in my life a lot of the time. A prisoner who would like to stay in bed for 48 hours straight, waking only to stuff my face with cinnamon rolls and red wine.
And if you are going to leave a comment saying “Take care of yourself, do something for you!” I get it, but unless someone is going to babysit, work, or clean my house for me, that isn’t an option.