the usual post-vacay blues

As usual, after even a short trip, I find coming back home to the dullness of housework, yard work, and work work more depressing than even usual. I ask myself 100x per day how I can get “out”. I dread the winters when the full routine moves inside and gets even worse.

My stumbling blocks are a lack of consistent childcare for M and my grandma still being alive. I want to be here for her and spend time together while there’s still time. She could die next week or next year, I don’t know. I have two trips that will help me with plans coming up: one to my friend’s in California where I will see if she’d let us stay for three months for a nursing contract, so I can pocket the living stipend and make enough to live several or many months before needing to take another contract. The second trip is to Nepal where I can explore the option of staying there for an extended time between contracts and possibly teach in my friend’s school for a little income.

After working a contract in California I could time my contracts to be over the summer and near my cottage, so my mom could be the one watching M.

So my plotting and planning continues but in the meantime M is not quite old enough to understand trips and she gets a bit nervous when we don’t come home at night, and she can be in her preschool for 2 more years. I doubt my grandma will live longer than that. Either way, eventually, we will lift off. Prior to her kindergarten year for sure. Because I’m not sure how much longer I can live like this. And I for sure can’t live authentically or according to my true beliefs and values in this type of lifestyle.

Author: Mother of All Things

Mother by fostering, adoption, and marriage... wife to my best friend... Bay area critical care nurse... travel in my blood, reading in my bones, clean food on my mind!

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