I don’t post much in the way of open-adoption anymore. Partly it’s that we’ve gotten so busy with life and partly it’s because it can be so uncomfortable and such a pain to make the effort to visit M’s relatives. The aunt, first of all, has asked for money once and last I heard from her she was texting me several times a minute that she “needed” to talk to me. I didn’t respond except to say I was at work. I just don’t want to get sucked into the awkwardness of saying no to paying the water or electric bill, knowing M’s three cousins are the ones who pay the price. The last we saw them was at her birthday party in March.
I’ve also had a bit of trouble with the facebook I created to keep in touch with them. I can’t pull it up on my phone without all of these errors and problems switching back to my regular facebook, so I went ahead and tried to friend the aunt and grandpa on my regular account. Grandpa friended me quickly and makes nice comments about M and what she’s up to. Last week M’s older bio-sister (age 9) was up from Texas with her grandma (her paternal grandma, not related to M). I found out at the last minute. She claims she tried to contact me but due to the facebook problem I didn’t get her message (although I gave her my phone number last summer, so…). I found out at the last minute and even though I was working, I had my mom meet them at a park so M could see her sister. Apparently, according to bio-sister’s grandma, the aunt’s kids have been removed from her by CPS and she is into some drugs. They may be with their dad or in foster care, I have no idea.
As far as M’s bio mom… haven’t heard anything from her since Christmas. No texts, no facebook accounts, nothing. Time to search the county public records for arrests, I guess.
Mother of All Things 
Open adoption is HARD! Especially when dealing with potentially dysfunctional families, as is often the case with foster care…. All I can say, by way of advice, is to keep on keeping on….
These are exactly the reasons we are ambivalent about open adoption. If/when we get to that point I’m sure we will still go the open route, but I know it will be hard at times.
Ambivalence is definitely part of open adoption, from start to finish. Someday my daughter will decide how much she wants these people in her life… my job is to raise her to see through their poor choices but also for her to feel that I do not see them as “less than”, because that would be a judgment of her (in her eyes, not mine).
That being said… I still think it is better for the child, in the long run, to know that they had access to their biological relatives.
I agree it’s better for the kids, especially since they are older and already know their bio family members. It’s hard for me to swallow though, since the trauma they endured is so horrible and will probably affect them for their whole lives.