This last week has been, um, a major flop. I used some PTO and had nearly the whole week off, but other than getting some things done, it was just depressing. I had no one to talk to all day (I mean I had my mom and M, but otherwise) and just kept feeling lonely and bored and crying a lot. Pretty pathetic. But honestly, is there anything worse than day after day of sitting in yet another play area alone for hours on end, while my kid gets out energy, and while I just… watch other moms with their friends chatting away?
Then I worked my last 3-day stretch at work. As nostalgic as I feel about 9 years at this particular hospital, 7 years in the same unit, I did not get the usual potluck send off or card. I’m not sure they care a bit that I’m going, not so much as a thank you for your time here! Maybe it’s best I’m moving on… maybe I’ll find a place where I make friends or at least feel like there a few people I connect with. And not just at work, but in general.
This last week at home I’m hoping to stay busy and not dwell on all that I feel is missing and all that I wish I had. I’ve made appointments and tried to set up play dates… Christmas day itself is going to be empty and sad, but we’ll just get through it somehow.
Well, back to watching The Holiday which is the worst thing I could be doing, crying over the fact that I don’t seem to cash in on the happy endings in these types of stories, but hey… I’m going to make my own story. The only way things can get better is to jump into the unknown, and one week from now, I will do just that.