My precious kitty, aged 16, was hit by a car a few nights ago. It feels like a bomb has gone off in my chest, the way grief does feel. She has been my friend, companion, and family member since I was 19 years old. She gave me such happiness just by being around. I’m tormented by thoughts of her lying on the side of the road, suffering and alone. I’m wracked with guilt that I didn’t keep her in at night (she would’ve hated it, but still). The cycle of grief, the fear of losing other pets and family members, the constant tears, the sensation of being irrevocably broken inside… it’s all there, just as it would have been if she were a person.
Finding out at work was terrible. I was forced to finish 2.5 hours of my shift while intermittently running to the break room to sob, and trying desperately to stop my tears while I cared for patients. (Google “how to stop yourself from crying for some tips and tricks.) Then I cried so hard in my car when I got out that I couldn’t drive at first.
It’s been so hard to do anything, let alone work on getting ready for the twins (due in 3 weeks!). Everything is just hard, when your heart is so broken.