There are so many adoptee bloggers out there who would read this post and get all sorts of upset about what I’m about to say… but I think the sentiment behind it is a real thing, and not something I should necessarily be ashamed of.
My daughter’s bio mom is back on facebook and posting a lot of pics of herself and the latest boyfriend. I don’t actually care how many boyfriends she has or how often she puts pics up of herself and the guy, but I do begin to get irritated that she never asks me about M, never comments on M’s photos, doesn’t act interested in all. I know she has a lot of issues and intellectually I can understand the many barriers there are to her expressing these things to me. Maybe she finds it too hard, doesn’t know what to say, is too altered by drugs and alcohol, feels overwhelmed by defeat and loss, etc and so on. I completely believe those things are true. Nevertheless, something about it stings.
The child she gave birth to is legitimately amazing. She is funny and creative and strong-willed and kind and smart as hell. I’m proud of her every second. I’m her biggest fan. I love her more than anything else in my life. So I guess that’s why I sometimes project onto her how I would feel if I was her. I guess she may grow up and say, I don’t really care what my birth mom did or said or how much interest she expressed in me as I grew up. I mean that could be the case, and I’m only assuming she’ll care. I’m taking personally what isn’t mine to take personally. But what could be more personal than the way your child feels?