Today was a wonderful day for our family, but a bittersweet day for my soon-to-be adopted daughter Jo Jo. TPR was granted for both of her bio parents (father is unknown, despite all efforts to identify him). It was a quick trial, as Jo Jo’s bio mom has not participated in any services or parenting time, and stated that she would not even as TPR loomed in front of her. That makes it easy.
I was nervous until the last moment, even though I had no reason to think it wouldn’t happen. I am ecstatic, thrilled, and overjoyed that we can officially move on to the adoption stage of permanency, with no obstacles to this being her adoptive home. At the same time, I am sad and feeling bad for my daughter. She doesn’t know today, but someday she will. Someday she will be able to see that on January 28, 2014, her biological mom became her parent no longer in the eyes of the law. It is an official date to mark a profound loss for her, one that she will feel her entire life.
I want desperately to be her forever mom, and in almost every way I already am her mommy. But not in every way. She will grow up with questions and curiosity and a sense of loss, for this woman who conceived and carried her, with whom she shares 50% of her DNA. That first essential and primitive bond has been severed… and even though we have found each other and created the best possible ending that we could based on the circumstances, it is not 100% a joyous day.
But adoption day will be 110% joyous, and I can’t wait!