TPR, and on to permanency!

Today was a wonderful day for our family, but a bittersweet day for my soon-to-be adopted daughter Jo Jo. TPR was granted for both of her bio parents (father is unknown, despite all efforts to identify him). It was a quick trial, as Jo Jo’s bio mom has not participated in any services or parenting time, and stated that she would not even as TPR loomed in front of her. That makes it easy.

I was nervous until the last moment, even though I had no reason to think it wouldn’t happen. I am ecstatic, thrilled, and overjoyed that we can officially move on to the adoption stage of permanency, with no obstacles to this being her adoptive home. At the same time, I am sad and feeling bad for my daughter. She doesn’t know today, but someday she will. Someday she will be able to see that on January 28, 2014, her biological mom became her parent no longer in the eyes of the law. It is an official date to mark a profound loss for her, one that she will feel her entire life.

I want desperately to be her forever mom, and in almost every way I already am her mommy. But not in every way. She will grow up with questions and curiosity and a sense of loss, for this woman who conceived and carried her, with whom she shares 50% of her DNA. That first essential and primitive bond has been severed… and even though we have found each other and created the best possible ending that we could based on the circumstances, it is not 100% a joyous day.

But adoption day will be 110% joyous, and I can’t wait!

Author: Mother of All Things

Mother by fostering, adoption, and marriage... wife to my best friend... Bay area critical care nurse... travel in my blood, reading in my bones, clean food on my mind!

14 thoughts on “TPR, and on to permanency!”

  1. So, so excited for you. I know you will spend your whole life being a wonderful mother to both your girls, and help little Jo Jo with that loss. Congratulations!

  2. I don’t comment often, but I have been following your journey of fostering. I checked my computer as soon as I got home this afternoon, and I am ECSTATIC to see that TPR went through! Congratulations! I’m so happy for you & Jo Jo, and I know that when questions and emotions come up about this day you will do a great job helping Jo Jo to navigate through everything. 🙂

  3. HUGE congratulations to you and your family, a bittersweet day to be sure but so glad it wasn’t delayed longer and hopefully soon she can be legally your daughter not just in your hearts

  4. I am SO happy for you! Really, really overjoyed for this milestone in your journey together.

    I also love that you acknowledge and honor the connection Jo Jo has with her bio mom. Your acceptance and love into this aspect of Jo Jo’s history and life will help immensely when she processes this some day.

  5. I understand the mixed emotions of the day and the worry for all that it means for your child for the future. So happy for you both, though, that you have each other!

  6. That is so wonderful!!!!! And your concern for what this day will mean to her in the future is just one of the many, many examples of why she belongs with you, and how you are already her mommy in so many fantastic ways!! Looking forward to JoJo being your daughter legally, too!!

  7. Started crying when I read yes. Yes, there will be a profound loss for JoJo but also a profound gain, you as her mother. Someone who wanted her so badly they would do anything! That says so much. People have kids and keep them all the time, not because they WANT them but just because they got pregnant by accident. You WANT her so badly you took care of someone else’s child knowing she could have been taken from you any second. One day she will understand that and know the immense love behind it that her mommy has for her. So happy for you both!!!!

  8. It’s awesome that you can balance your excitement with acknowledging the loss that your daughter doesn’t even feel, yet. It’s a tough, sad thing to think about. But, as it brings you both one step closer to permanancy, it’s a good thing, despite the loss.

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